"If you put that straight jacket on me, I am going to pull your endocrine system out of your body."
"I've been told by doctors and surgeons that I have the energy of ten men who have normal jobs."
"Fear is the dark room where the Devil develops his negatives."
"My dark side, my shadow, my lower companion is now in the back room blowing up balloons for kids' parties."
"A good way to lose weight is put salt on your ass and go to the petting zoo. But stay away from goats, I've seen them fornicate with a mail box."
"I will rip our your spleen and eat it like a banana."
"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping gary busey off the nation's highways."