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"Having children is like getting a bowling alley installed in your brain." ~Martin Mull
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ~Rita Rudner
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. ~Harry S Truman
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children. ~Bill Cosby
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. ~Pablo Picasso
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it. ~Monta Crane
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. ~Groucho Marx
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. ~Edgar W. Howe
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ~ Phyllis Diller
We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. ~Christopher Morley
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