Cell Phone Etiquette
Talking too loudly.
“YES! FOR THE LOVE OF BABY JESUS, WE CAN HEAR YOU NOW!” For some bizarre reason people feel the need to raise their voices while on their phones. We’ve come far enough, technologically speaking, to trust the microphone to adequately amplify and carry your voice. Your mouth couldn’t physically be any closer, so unless you’re talking from a Captain Kirk distance or calling in an airstrike, there’s no need to yell. Jeez, Kirk never raised his voice and he was communicating with an alcoholic Scotsman on a space ship!
*Your conversation in public.
No one needs to hear how wasted you were last night, or what color your boyfriend’s boxers are. Keep your personal life personal and refrain from having emotional conversations in public. Offer to call the person back, step outside and find a quiet place where you can openly describe your new foot fungus.
Have you ever felt the only way to maintain a conversation with the person right in front of you is to give them a call? Ever arrive at the climax of a story, only to have the momentum ruined by “Sorry, I gotta take this”? Why is the disembodied voice of someone else more important than the flesh and blood standing before you? When this happens, you might want to call them on their other line and ask, “Hey, how’s it going?" or if dining out maybe, "How’s your sea bass? Isn’t the wine delicious?”
*Checking your phone at the movies.
Theatre announcements and your area “shhhh-ster" have done a decent job of reducing rings, but clueless light flashers are still checking calls and text messaging friends. If there's an emergency, it's already happened, you weren’t there, and chances are the people who could actually do anything about it, already have.
*Somebody please get the “Darwin Awards” on the phone.
Texting while driving.
Texting while talking.
Have we become so lazy and disinterested in each other’s lives that we’re asking people to sum up their days with a text? “How r u?” “What’s up?” “What’s new?” These arbitrary questions are annoying enough when asked in person, but at least we'd have the ability to fire back equally insignificant responses like “not bad, u?” or “same sh*t” or heaven forbid “let me tell you about my day”.
*Loud and annoying ringtones.
Turn down your serial killer screams. No one thinks you’re clever, or funny, or musically savvy when you’re little pocket jukebox blasts away and interrupts their thoughts. Pretend we're here, and we all paid to get in too.