Well folks, it's arrived...the 2014 "Blue Chip" football scouting report.
Wayfron P. Jackson : 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years.
Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you knows"
during an interview (62 in one minute).
Wayfron can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins : 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School,
Dunn , N.C. Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the
40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell : 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler , Texas .. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well.
Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink.
Listed his church preference as "red brick."
Woodrow Lee Washington : 6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.
Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because:
"The dude said somethin' bad 'bout my Momma."
On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith : 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old.
Thinks the "N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements.
Insists on wearing No. 32 jersey since it matches his SAT score.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples : 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges, but is willing to sign with more.
Likes wild women and red Cadillacs.
Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali : 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester Lee Jones until he discovered religion.
Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville.
Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
*Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their programs after the new NCAA ruling which allows the use of a burglar alarms as well as starting guns at conference and national meets.