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Letterman's Top Ten Rafael Palmeiro Excuses for Giving Congress False Testimony about Using Steriods 
10. "Pete Rose bet me I wouldn't do it" 
9. There wasn't a Starbucks around and I needed a quick pick-me up" 
8. "I enjoy the fresh minty flavor" 
7. "Uhh, I lost it in the sun?" 
6. "Somebody must've slipped something into my Viagra" 
5. "Steroids illegal?! Since when?" 
4. "Heard steroids give your mustache a glossy coat" 
3. "Memory loss from steroid use made me forget I was on steroids" 
2. " 'Roids rule, dude!" 
1. "How am I supposed to keep track of every single thing I stick up my ass?"